My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just invented taco cereal.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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