Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
