Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
