What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
