the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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