Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
