I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
