how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
