Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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