You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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