Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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