Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
