Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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