Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
