I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
