I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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