Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
