I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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