the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
