Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
