if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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