i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
