hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
