I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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