Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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