it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
