I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
