hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
