420 ftw
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
