They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
