Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
