I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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