Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
