Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
