So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
