my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
