I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
