Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
