normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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