You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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