I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
