it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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