Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
