Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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