Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
