I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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