Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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