I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
