dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
