Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
