Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
