you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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