Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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