the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
