She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
