I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
