moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
