Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
