I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
