First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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