he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
