none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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