Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
